Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Always A Surprise, Never A Shock

From Lady Gaga in a G-string to Taylor Swifts catty side, this years VMAs didn't stray from the usual element of surprise.

This year Lady Gaga opened with a somewhat normal performance ending with her in a g-string and sea shell bra. Taylor Swift accepted an award after Kanye West performed and made it all the way thru her speech the first time. NSYNC reunited during JTs performance and then broke all our hearts by announcing they will not be touring.

But the one performance that still has everyone talking is Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke. Miley was one of the first performers of the night with her...um....hit...? song We Can't Stop in a teddy bear leotard. From dry humping teddy bears to twerking, this no longer tween pop sensation let it all hang out there while waving around a giant foam finger with red nails using it as dare i say her penis while she obscenely gestured to the crowd.

Cut from that to Robin Thicke coming out and her singing a verse from his song Blurred Lines now in a nude latex bikini, rubbing her foam finger on his crotch and backing it up on him as she bent over and did what she does best twerk and stick her tounge out.

Robin stayed professional with a neutral expression. The crowd on the other hand didn't bother hiding how they felt. With varying expressions of disgust, confusion, embarrassment, pity and indifference the resulting crowd shots are hilarious. Even Selena Gomez and Taylor Swift who started off supportive ended up with the same look of shock and disgust.

Now Miley, i get it. You are 20 now, you've broken out of the wholesome Disney chains and want to prove your no longer little Hannah Montana and be an adult. Hilary Duff did it, Selena Gomez is doing it, hell even Kevin Jonas got married and was upgraded to the world of the E! network. But there are other ways then prancing around shaking your ass in a bikini on national television.

Although it does sound like I am trying to be a hater,I'm not. But you can't really make a song about popping Molly, cocaine in a bathroom, twerking and shaking it like your in a strip club and how its all ok because only God can judge you, and think we as a public will A, take you seriously. And B, not call you names like skank, whore, trash, etc.

We all are aware that you can't stop and won't stop, but we are still holding hope that you will. The same way we know this was "just a performance" but you don't see other singers doing this. Well except 2chainz and all his "big booty hoes". As much as you don't care what people think, there has to be a part of you that does. As Snooki said, maybe your just going thru your Xtina "dirty days" or having a Lindsay Lohan/Amanda Bynes moment. Or maybe you are just being Miley. But one day you will be married (Hopefully to Liam if he still wants to because I know I'd be coming home with a VMA and no fiance) with kids and you will have all this to haunt you.

Friday, August 23, 2013

As I Promised

As I promised, here is my first part of my pregnancy memoirs.

My boyfriend and I moved in to our apartment in February. Before we did, my mother had a mother daughter heart-to-heart about living with him. It went a little something like this
             "I was thinking, you should probably start taking birth control because you don't want to be bringing life into this world yet"
So heartfelt, I know.

So when we first moved in, I was still at my fast food job so money was tight. I got a new job at a new place that paid better (even though money is still tight for unnecessary reasons!) And was waiting for my first real check from there to get birth control. Well that check came, but that period didn't so now here we are months later and a growing baby girl or so I'm told.

We weren't sure if we were going to keep her since due to health reasons I'm really high risk. But so far so good I guess.

Side note, my phone doesn't automatically correct my grammar like my old one does so forgive me for any errors that are out of the ordinary for me.

Im due on my birthday, December 9 but I keep getting the feeling she will be here around Thanksgiving. Being a mom is a scary thing to think about. For a few different reasons.

-We've been together not as long as I would like to have been for us having a baby
-Were not married or engaged
-I love my boyfriend but i still have my doubts
-Trust issues more than just about him cheating on me
-The normal "are we ready for this" and I am prepared for the "well you should have kept your legs closed" nonsense
-Our past

We have been together for a while. But not long enough for me to want a baby. Sure I've thought about it. You're with someone long enough, those thoughts come up. But I'm talking like 5 years.

It's 2013. You don't need to be married to have a baby. Is the idea of having a husband, a dog, two kids, a big house with a white picket fence surrounding a big yard for your kids to play in and you to grow old in and someday pass down yo your children as they carry on the family legacy in the perfect little Stepford cookie cutter community attractive? Of course it is. Im not saying sleep around and have a bunch of babies either. Im just saying we aren't in the days where we must be married and get our husbands permission to go to the store anymore. We don't have to be married to have a baby. But don't get me wrong, it would be nice.

I love my boyfriend. But i still have my doubts. Number one being are we ready for this. Followed closely by how will we take care of her. And how will we afford this. Since our lovely government thinks that people are bullshitting about being broke and wont help people who actually need it. But it seems like to me, people who don't need the help get it just fine. I guess that's what being as crooked as our government gets you. Can I count on him? What will happen when im out on maternity leave? So many questions are flowing constantly thru my mind.

Trust issues are a biggie. Sometimes in a persons life, they fall into a hard place or time, fall in with the wrong crowd, fall into hard stressful times, etc. Sometimes when this happens, things like addiction come into play. In my boyfriends case, it was a stress thing. I wont say to what because that's his business. But it happened. If he is being truthful, he has been clean for a few months now. And if he is being truthful I am proud of him. But sometimes I have my doubts. Like when money goes missing. Or gas gets used like crazy. Or when he is with certain people we know. I'm not sure what to do or think or if its even worth the fight. When I'm at work, is he talking to other girls again? If he is he will lie about it. His phone is under my plan so i could have it unlocked and search it. But I'm terrified about what I might find in there. Is he telling me one thing and doing another? Ill never know. And it kills me. In our past, we did separate and yes, it was him going for his ex. It was a horrible time for me. Watching him go day to day happy with someone else. Someone who did him wrong. Someone who didn't deserve him. Someone who used him. Someone who single handedly ruined both of our lives forever. Someone who he disrespected me by sneaking to talk to at my house while he was supposed to be spending time with me using my internet and my laptop and lying about it. Someone who no matter how hard i try i feel like I can't get him away from. I need to stop now before I start rambling on about this ungrateful female even more.

So yes, this is the first installment of my pregnancy memoirs as I said. As I sit here in our one recliner typing this on my cellphones tiny on screen keyboard while this little brat kicks me like my bladder is a soccer ball and my cats are having a twin death match next to me and a head full of questions and worries, I feel a little better by getting this out there. There are some things i can't say on here for privacy reasons. There are some things I can't say on here because people i know read this and I am already an un wed mother. I don't need any more judgement. But for the things i can say, the release of those from inside my head is an amazing relief that I am so thankful for.

Love always, Viktorius and mini me.

Thursday, August 22, 2013


Well i've been gone for a while and here's what's been going on in a short re cap...

I got a new boyfriend
We live together
I got two cats
I also got pregnant
My dog died
And I got a new job (wish i could say where)

I don't have internet at my place sadly and things have just started to settle down for me. I want you guys to know  that I am still here and now will be trying to post more. It will be from my phone so bear with me I would much rather type on an actual keyboard but beggars can't be choosers I guess.

So while I was in the shower today I got to thinking about how my body is changing with this pregnancy. Which, by the way, I will go into more detail about later. I have two friends that are also new moms that I go to for advice. I had some questions about tenderness in certain areas and was trying to figure out which friend to talk to about that. Then it got me thinking, I sort of have a list of who to call for what issue I have, and I'm kind of wondering if anyone else has this mental list. So, without further ado (is that how you spell that...) here's my list of friends designated for certain issues.

Mommy friends-the girls and fellow moms I go to for mommy and personal issues also works for boyfriend complaints

Medical advisers-for when you are too lazy and/or cheap to go to the doctor

Uppity friends-the people who you know will eventually piss you off with something they say but you still talk to them anyway and love them eventho you want to slap the shit out of them

Bitchy friends- the people who bitch more than you eventho you are six months pregnant and they are either spoiled or bring the situation upon themselves. Also friends who need to be slapped (see uppity friends)

Rich friends- always wanting to get you to go out and spend money to hang out eventho this is a recession and well, aint no body got time for that

Want to be rich friends- almost the same as rich friends but these people want you to pay for everything

Work friends- people you only see at work and the occasional facebook post. The common phrase used with these people is "yea we should totally hang out". Spoiler alert, you never will

Childhood friends-the people you can tell anything to no matter what and they still won't judge you. You need these people because face it, your a hot mess and these people know it and still love you like family

First of the month friends- these are the friends that only call when they need money. Usually for something unnecessary that will piss you off. These people think that your just dumb and wont notice that they only call when they need or want something and if you cant deliver they magically disappear like we actually miss them because spoiler alert, we don't


Frenemies- you love this person but you also love to hate this person. You envy them sometimes they envy you too but you both just communicate under a thin layer of mutual cattyness and bitch to your poor boyfriend who did nothing to deserve being dragged into this drama all he wants is a peanut butter sandwich and some milk  

Well, that's my list (so far) of friends i have. I wonder if I'm the only one with this problem...

I will try to be back and post more. This would be so much easier with a computer but oh well. It does feel good to be back though and get some of what's on my mind out there.

I haven't been sleeping much so maybe this will help. I guess i should try and get some sleep since i do have to work tomorrow. But Lord knows that between my bed hog boyfriend, gymnast baby and obnoxious inconsiderate snoring cats, sleep is a foreign word to me. Almost the way that common sense is in teenagers. That's all for now. Love you guys!