Monday, January 20, 2014

Postpartum Blues

Guys can take the time out to stare at a hot girls ass, to tell a girl they are a 9 of 10, flirt with girls but can't take the time out to tell their girlfriend and mother of their child she looks pretty. Even when the girlfriend is up all night with a screaming baby and lets him sleep. Starves herself so he and the baby can eat. Starves herself to lose the baby weight and eats nasty tasteless shit to lose weight and impress him. Puts on makeup to try and make him look at her the same way he did two years ago. and he doesn't even notice or care like he used to. He used to notice if i cut my hair, did my eyebrows, painted my nails. Now? Nothing. Postpartum has hit me hard and I have been trying my hardest to get back to the old me. To impress him. To make him say I look good or pretty or dare I hope to hear beautiful. But those words are long gone. I'm not pretty to him. I'm not beautiful to him. I don't look good to him. I feel fat. I feel ugly. I feel dumpy. Im trying as best i can to lose this extra fat while balancing everything else and deal with raging post pregnancy hormones. But he calls all of that excuses and says he hasn't been happy with me since the baby was born. Says that my cancer is just an excuse I use because I am always tired and never feel well. I am starting to really hate my life. All I want is for just once to hear im pretty. Or some sort of compliment other than a generic "looks good" when he didn't even look. Its just been a rough month and a half in new mommy days.

Monday, January 13, 2014

For Real Moments With Vikster: Twerking Edition

Now that I am a mom, I have something I would like to point out. It's becoming an epidemic and it's only a matter of time until we all are exposed and infected.

I'm talking about twerking y'all.

Thanks to classy bitches like Miley Cyrus twerking is becoming more and more popular. And not everyone can twerk. Not everyone SHOULD twerk. And dont get me started on wall twerks.

Now if your out with your girls at the club, or guys we don't judge here, and you feel the twerge (twerk and urge. You like it? No...ok) to get up and break it down. Maybe you've had a couple to a few too many drinks and the song that's playing is really speaking to your soul (The Lady Gaga can do that to you). Then by all means, work it girl! (Or guy, remember we don't judge) but do it like you would in Vegas meaning what happens in the club, stays in the club. Don't take pictures and post them all over social media sites. And do NOT video that shit.

Wall twerks. Have you seen those? If yoi haven't, YouTube that shit. It is when you get into handstand position and, well, twerk. Do you know how many stupid bitches have been sent to the hospital injured due to a wall twerk gone wrong? Don't try it drunk, don't try it sober. Just don't do it.

The moral of this story is that twerking, whether on the ground or on a wall, whether black, white, pink, or purple, whether male or female needs to be left in the club in the dark where no one will remember you the next morning over their hangover. 

Twerking, just don't do it. What would your grandma say?