Monday, January 20, 2014

Postpartum Blues

Guys can take the time out to stare at a hot girls ass, to tell a girl they are a 9 of 10, flirt with girls but can't take the time out to tell their girlfriend and mother of their child she looks pretty. Even when the girlfriend is up all night with a screaming baby and lets him sleep. Starves herself so he and the baby can eat. Starves herself to lose the baby weight and eats nasty tasteless shit to lose weight and impress him. Puts on makeup to try and make him look at her the same way he did two years ago. and he doesn't even notice or care like he used to. He used to notice if i cut my hair, did my eyebrows, painted my nails. Now? Nothing. Postpartum has hit me hard and I have been trying my hardest to get back to the old me. To impress him. To make him say I look good or pretty or dare I hope to hear beautiful. But those words are long gone. I'm not pretty to him. I'm not beautiful to him. I don't look good to him. I feel fat. I feel ugly. I feel dumpy. Im trying as best i can to lose this extra fat while balancing everything else and deal with raging post pregnancy hormones. But he calls all of that excuses and says he hasn't been happy with me since the baby was born. Says that my cancer is just an excuse I use because I am always tired and never feel well. I am starting to really hate my life. All I want is for just once to hear im pretty. Or some sort of compliment other than a generic "looks good" when he didn't even look. Its just been a rough month and a half in new mommy days.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

It will get better love. Maybe not with him as much as you get better with yourself.